How to prepare for summer as a big redneck (and be proud of it) 🍻🌞
Summer isn't just a season. It's a fucking celebration . The sun is beating down 🌞, the barbecues are smoking 🔥, the flip-flops are slapping 🩴 and the drinks are coming thick and fast 🍷. And you're here, in your short shorts, boob-shaped glasses 😎, and a bucket hat. You're not here to be an extra. You want to experience summer like a self-confessed redneck . And you know what? We're going to help you do it. 💪
The summer redneck state of mind 🧠🍺
Being a redneck isn't an insult. It's a state of mind . A real redneck is a guy who lives his best life in "beer on tap" swim shorts 🍺, who laughs loudly 🤣, who isn't afraid of being ridiculous and who prefers to burn his toes with pastis rather than sunbathe in a booth.
And above all, he never doubts his style: fluorescent swimming trunks 🌈, “Apéro Training” tank top 🏋️♂️ and sock-swim sandals 🧦🩴, it's no joke for him. It's his formal outfit .
The redneck's outfit: more than a style, a religion 🛐👕
Forget plain polo shirts or beige shorts from the guys on a permanent contract at Decathlon. Nope. The redneck, on the other hand, relies on an outfit that speaks for itself . A good old swim short with a beer foam or sausage print 🥓 is his holiday gladiator armor.
The top? A tank top as subtle as a July 14th firecracker 🎆, with a heartfelt message like: “Don't touch my Ricard” or “Departmental aperitif champion” 🏅. And to top it all off, a bucket hat in the colors of pastaga 🎨, worn by the sun, but filled with love and the smell of cold tobacco 🚬.
Accessories aren't there for show: they're there for practical purposes. The redneck never goes anywhere without his sunglasses with disgusting orange tinted lenses 🧡, his "Pastis Express" fanny pack 🎒 and sometimes even his essential belly can holder 🍻, which allows him to stay hydrated (in his own way) in any situation.
The art of living like a redneck in summer 🕶️🏖️
The redneck's day is set like clockwork 🎶. Up (late) 😴, coffee and cigarette ☕🚬, then a quick jump in the inflatable pool on the balcony if needed 🛁. The afternoon is often dedicated to the main activity: the barbecue 🍖.
He handles fire, chipolatas, merguez sausages, and pork chops with a seriousness he never applied to his studies 📚. This is his moment. He's wearing his nerdy apron 👨🍳, a flip-flop in one hand, a giant fork in the other, and most importantly: a beer stuck to his lip 🍺.
The atmosphere? Guaranteed by a playlist worthy of the name: Patrick Sébastien 🥳, Tragédie 🎤, K-Maro and Sardou 🎶. The volume? Full blast 🔊. The good taste? Completely lost. But everyone is having a good time, and that's what matters ❤️.
When evening comes, the redneck doesn't disguise himself. He remains himself. He takes out his metal "Aperitif Place" sign 🪧, proudly places it, and declares the place officially open. From then on, the neighbors know there will be loud talking, hearty laughter, and heavy drinking 🤪🍷.
And what about the decor? 🎉🏕️
It's impossible to miss. The redneck takes care of his summer living environment with as much attention as the rest of it. It's not just a space: it's his sacred territory 🏰.
A Ricard or 51 parasol sits in the middle of the terrace 🏖️. Multicolored LED string lights flash around the plastic table 🎇. On the walls, funny metal plaques remind you that “Alcohol abuse is encouraged” or that “Here, it's barbecue every day” 🔥🍽️. Love? It's in the pastis ❤️🍸.
And if you're the perfectionist type, you can even put a "Watch out, sex beast" towel on your deckchair. Other swimmers have been warned 💦🐯.
If you also like cheesy decorations, we invite you to check it out here .
The essentials of the real redneck 🧢👕
Well, even if you don't like reading, remember this. Without them, you're just a tourist.
- 🩳 Beer or aperitif print swim shorts : put them on straight after coffee.
- 👕 "Apéro Time" T-shirt or tank top : simple like your humor.
- 🧢 Stylish bob : UV protection and style at the same time.
- 🪧 “Place de l'apéro” sign : mandatory to declare your territory.
- 🪑 Ridiculous inflatable chair : beer in one hand, belly out.
The redneck shares, even his lame jokes 🎁🤣
A real redneck never comes empty-handed. A cousin's party? He brings home a "Don't touch my Ricard" sign. A bachelor party? He offers fluorescent kangaroo briefs or a bottle opener shaped like a penis 🍆. It's kitsch, it's ugly, but it makes everyone laugh.
That's the redneck spirit: fun above all , even if it's in bad taste. Ridicule doesn't kill you—on the contrary, it makes you popular at the campsite. 🏕️
Conclusion: Summer is not for the faint-hearted 😎🌴
You have everything you need to shine (or sweat) this summer like a real redneck. Forget your insecurities, put on your draft beer shorts, your Ricard bucket hat, and your best bad faith. 🚀
Treat yourself in the shop : outfits, accessories, rotten gifts... Want to stand out? You're in the right place. 👇
Because being a redneck isn't shameful. It's a vocation.